The Flip Side~ Zachary Tingle

Dear Zachary,

   Ok I really like this guy from my church. I only see him at church gatherings but he is the first guy that I like. To make things awkward he is my best friend’s brother. I know that he likes me, but how should I tell him I like him???

Sincerely,

Need A Guy-Guide

Dear Need A Guy-Guide,

    Several things come to mind when you ask this and I think it will be helpful some of our other readers as well.

            The first thing that comes to mind is a story. One of my dear friends and a brother in the Lord had become good friends with a girl. They got to see each other several times per week and he had asked for prayer about pursuing her as a potential wife. We prayed with and for him for about two weeks when came to us and explained that the Lord had closed the door on this relationship fairly abruptly. We all congratulated him on answered prayer, but he shook his head. “No, I really still like this girl. She is beautiful, joyful, and her heart is totally sold out for the Lord.” The rest us guys were a little perplexed and asked what the problem was.  He shook his head sadly, “she approached me today and told me she liked me and that it would be nice to get to know each other better. I just can’t seek a woman as wife if she doesn’t trust me enough to allow me to initiate.” This is a true story and those two people haven’t talked since.

            The next thing that comes to mind is that attraction can be a dangerous companion (“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?”- Jeremiah 17:9). Following your heart is so dangerous! The desire for a human companion (a spouse) was designed by God but it was totally corrupted when Adam and Eve sinned. When our first parents sinned it severed the relationship between all of us and God. This one action left a hole that each of us wants to fill. That hole is not made to be filled by a human companion!!

            Being attracted to someone of the opposite sex is normal and unfortunately unavoidable. Attraction was designed to be the first step toward marriage, not the first step in the meaningless high school dating game. I assume by the fact that this is your first that you are not yet at a place to be considering marriage; therefore there is no good to be gained by allowing this romance to blossom.

            The Bible has a lot to say about marriage but not much to say about courtship (it pretty much assumes that parents will arrange the marriage and then it is the responsibility of the couple to glorify God with the covenant that was arranged). In Ephesians 5:1-21 there are some great guidelines for life before marriage. I won’t break down the whole chapter for you, but the gist of it is that we are to live lives that are so much like the example of Christ that impurity cannot even be named among us. I do not mean we are to flaunt our purity (brag that we are better than everyone else) but rather we are to represent the Lord. The vast majority (over 98%) of romantic relationships started in high school do not end marriage, but they end in heartbreak.

            Now to answer your question directly; you as a woman should never tell a man that you are romantically interested in him before he chooses to pursue you. God ordained for men to lead where romance is concerned. This is neither demeaning to women nor empowering to men it simply the way God set things up. If your friend’s brother has not said anything to you it is because he is not yet ready to lead you in a relationship before God (though I would encourage you to tell him no even if he did so). Allowing romance to grow before both of you are honestly ready to leave home and live in covenant with one another is EXTREMELY dangerous. It allows two young people to have emotional intimacy without responsibility which will eventually lead to sexual immorality (which we are told shouldn’t even have to be named).

            I pray that you seek the Lord to fulfill the desire for companionship and love. The moment that you can honestly say that you do not need a man in your life because you are full in Christ is the moment you are ready to be swept off your feet. “Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you.” (Matthew 6:33).

Blessings,

Zachary

Our Generation for Christ~ Zachary Tingle

            We are growing up in a world that continues to accelerate. Our culture and the culture of the world, at large, insist that we be “productive” every second of our being. This pressure has had a dynamic effect upon how we view femininity, masculinity, and ultimately romance. Over the last thirty years all three of these things have either become badly twisted or destroyed altogether. We will have to be proactive in rebuilding these ideals or we risk not only losing the beauty of God’s design for relationship but also losing security that comes with living in God’s template.

           

A bit of historical context…

            Probably the single most pivotal factor in the decline of Godly romantic relationships was World War II (WWII). Starting at the beginning of the 20^th Century the women’s rights movement gained a whole lot of momentum and popularity which only grew leading up to WWII. When the U.S. joined WWII the vast majority of male population was either shipped to Europe or the South Pacific. The result of all the men leaving to go fight was that a huge of number of women went to work to help support the war effort, but unlike the previous wars in our history they did not do this through a domestic medium (making clothing, sending food, providing moral support via communication). WWII was different; when we went to war the women of the U.S. rallied and went to work in the factories. They assumed all of the industrial roles that the men had held until then (this was necessary for our country to survive the war but it helped do the irreparable damage that the American psyche suffered from the war).

            Externally, the years following the war were some of the best years America had seen since its birth. The economy prospered, the standard of living soared, and the U.S. was leading the world in everything from agriculture, to industrial production, to scientific discoveries. However, all was not as well as it appeared. The vast majority of the men who returned from WWII were deeply scarred. They had watched friends die, innocent people be murdered, and cities become wastelands. The effect on them and on our culture was devastating. Because of what our men had been through, most of them emotionally and psychologically withdrew. These men who had been heroes on the battlefields of the world could not shake the haunting after-image of what they had experienced (the reason many of our grandfathers and great-grandfathers do not talk about the war to this day).

            As many of you are aware, the father’s role in a family is absolutely critical. Many of the “Baby Boomers” (Americans born between 1946 and the late 1959) grew up with a very distant father. There were, of course, exceptions—but they were rare. Because of this, the men of that generation grew up without a role-model helping teach them about manhood, leadership, chivalry, and romance. They grew up without a reasonably good idea of how to lead a woman. Similarly, many of the young women grew up without the love, attention and affirmation that are so important in the formation of a stable, secure woman.

            The mother’s role is also important; many of the mothers of the era had tasted the industrial world and liked it. They had provided for themselves and their families for the years while the men were at war. The thought of not having to depend on anyone was intoxicating. The idea of being independent continued to grow and these women began to push for more political, economic, and social “equality.” This rise in maternal independence affected the collective perception of fathers and it was not a positive shift. It further lowered the esteem in which men were held and consequently lowered the value of traditional (and Biblical) masculinity and femininity.

            The 1960’s was the immediate effect of the lack of father figures. Men found their identities in rebellion and immorality. The women of that decade sought attention, affirmation and love through immorality and “independence.” Romance was completely detached from parental authority because parents were viewed as “puritanical” and “outdated,” beside the sad fact that most parents weren’t paying that much attention anyway. After our society recovered from the shock of the 60’s it tried to compensate by balancing the traditional views with the rebellious ones. The result was the dating system in which it is socially acceptable to emotionally and sexually sample different people until you found “the one.” This virus grew and spread until sexual immorality was so common that abortions became socially acceptable and were legalized in 1973 (Supreme Court Case Roe v. Wade).
            As the 70’s passed into the 80’s our already damaged culture began to shift into a system in which the value of “instant gratification” surpassed all. The mass-availability of televisions provided for impersonal use of free-time and further reinforced the concept of getting what one wants when one wants it. It also thoroughly backed the concept of romance as an interaction of perfect emotional bliss that should be acted upon while it lasts. The cinema of the 80’s portrays the sadly twisted roles of emotionally and relationally passive men and increasingly assertive women; all with the strong undertone that one should get what one wants when one wants it.

            The 80’s passed into the 90’s and the ultra-strong feminist movement began to taper off with the failure of the Equal Rights Amendment. Our society had been so damaged by the now two generations of absentee fathers and overly assertive mothers that no one knew exactly what male and female roles were supposed to look like. “Sadie Hawkins” dances became normal and homosexual couples became socially acceptable (if still a little odd). Terms like “equal opportunity dating” emerged allowing either gender to initiate the relationship. Parents had now fully shifted from an entity of respect and authority to the butt-end of the now fully-fledged “teenage” culture. Rather than heeding Biblical wisdom and “honoring…father and mother” teenagers sought to mislead, deceive and slander their parents. The blame was not one-sided though. While teens did not honor and obey their parents, parents failed to assume their God-given roles as the leaders and authorities of the home. The damage the collective American society was too deep and too completely shattered.

           

            Our generation is different. While we have unfortunately been raised in this wreck of a culture we have the rare opportunity to change things. With the dawn of the new millennium society has become so totally apathetic that the main peer pressure is to not shake the system up. Rather than facing overwhelming pressure to engage in sinfulness we are pressured not to try and change anyone else’s indulgence. Psalm 14:3 say that “All have turned aside, they have together become corrupt; there is no one who does good, not even one.” In our generation we are simply told not to resist this, but not necessarily to embrace it.

            Our society believes that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and that no one can dictate anyone else’s reality. This is a HUGE opportunity. We have been given a new identity in Christ (2 Cor 5:17). We are no longer required by our sin-nature to be “corrupt.” Our culture is now ideologically open to us standing for a Biblical worldview (even in dating). All one has to do in this decade is tell someone that standing with the Word of God is what works and that it is Truth (most people are very hesitant to pick up an argument about Truth and will drop it).

            Even with our amazing advantage over the last few generations, walking with Christ in romance can be one of the hardest things do. Our bodies (mostly hormones) urge us to shift focus away from Christ and toward the person of interest. Most of us have also inadvertently embraced the norm of not including our parents in this aspect of our lives. The simple truth is God commands us to honor our parents (Exodus 20:12) and it is not honoring them to exclude them from the process of choosing the person with whom we will spend the rest of our lives. We who are still unmarried are called to purity and integrity. Let’s be the generation that begins to bandage the cultural wound. Let’s be the generation that learns how to comport ourselves within the Biblical standard so our children will have the role model that the last several generations have missed. 

The Flip Side~ Zachary Tingle

Hello Ladies! Haylie here. Lilies is going to add something new and a tad bit different to their issues. Zachary emailed me one day and asked if I would be willing to have a column where girls can email him questions and he give them the answer. Questions about guys or you wanting a guys point of view. I agreed to give it a test run so ladies, if you have a question you would like to ask Zachary, please email it to liliesamongthorns@ymail.com and title it "THE FLIP SIDE". Thank you so much and I hope you enjoy "The Flip Side".

Dear Zachary,

I have this guy friend of mine and he's always very quiet. To try to get him to talk, I ask him what he's thinking about and he always replied with "nothing'. Do guys really think about nothing?

~Nothing

Dear Nothing,

The short answer, in general, is both yes and no. Yes, there are a few guys I know who really can go hours without actually processing a single thought. They will enjoy the scenery, video game, movie, or sound of conversation without mentally engaging. These men are the exception rather than the rule. For the majority of us men there are a plethora of reasons we will use the phrase“nothing.”

The simple truth is that no two people use this excuse the exact same way or even for the exact same reasons, but it is an excuse none-the-less. Some guys will use it because they know that you don’t actually want to know what they are thinking (i.e. rough family problem in an upbeat situation, or a tough theological question at a social gathering.) He knows that explaining his thoughts in that situation would ruin the moment for those around him. It’s not that he is necessarily trying to hide his thoughts; rather he knows that the time and place is not appropriate for what is on his mind. Another thing to remember is that a guy doesn’t want to talk about what he is wrestling in his head, because either it is too personal or he doesn’t know what he thinks about it yet (in which case he certainly won’t be comfortable talking about it.)

Whether or not this friend is a brother in Christ here is what I recommend: “be devoted to one another in brotherly [or sisterly] love, give preference to one another in honor” (Romans 12:10 – parenthesis added). When someone evades a question with such an obvious tactic as saying “nothing” it means he doesn’t really want to talk about it. It is not loving or honoring your friend to press the point.

There are a few things to remember when getting to know someone who is very quiet or introverted. First, introverts very much dislike being the center of attention. It is unwise to try and draw him out while in a large group. Acknowledging him and letting him blend into the background is the best way to honor him at a party or a large social function. Let him be who he God created him to be.

I want to address something real quick. This advice is not to encourage you to pursue guys. Biblically it is a man’s role to pursue you. I am assuming that this guy is already a “brother” kind of friend and that you simply want to know how to converse with an introverted (“nothing”) guy.

If you want a chance to talk, choose a time in a less public setting. Begin a conversation by telling him something that you have been pondering. Then, ask what he thinks about the topic. At this point you might have to use your questioneering skills to get the conversation rolling (don’t ask yes/no questions.) Allow him to answer your question and then ask another question about his answer, try not to get too excited and cut him off.

Many times an introverted guy won’t explain what he is thinking about because he knows most people don’t actually want to carry on a meaningful conversation; rather they want to feel good about themselves for including the wallflower. Taking time to share what’s on your mind will show that you are not just feeling sorry for the quiet one, but you are genuinely interested in what is on his mind.

Secondly, think about the times when you have been working through something in your heart or mind and people continue to ask what is going on. In those times most of us want to be left alone until we have figured things out a little bit. “Treat others the same way you want them to treat you”(Luke 6:31). The same might be said of your friend. Don’t ask him to share what he is mentally wrestling with; invite him into what you are thinking about. This has a dual purpose; it shows that you are aware of him and it gives him a chance to leave his own thoughts for awhile.

Last and most important! Philippians 4:6 says, “in everything, by prayer and supplication, make your requests known to God.” If you feel like the Lord has laid this guy on your heart because he needs a friend, PRAY FOR him. Prayer is the most powerful and effective way of touching his life. God’s power and resources are infinitely beyond ours. He can accomplish things better than we can imagine. Wait on Him.

God Bless,

Zachary

Dear Zachary,

Everyone keeps telling me to dress modestly because guys are visual beings. What does that mean and are guys actually 'visual'?

~What's the Point

Dear What’s the Point,

Before I continue with this question I would strongly counsel you to go and ask your dad or your pastor about the visual (sexual, lustful, etc.) nature of men. I will address the question, but there are men who are far wiser and better equipped to answer this question, and I would recommend visiting with one of them before reading my response. That said, this article is not for “guys” and “girls,” it is for men and women. This stuff is not material to be giggled about or to be taken lightly, it addresses spiritual treason.

God designed men with a much stronger desire for sexual intercourse than women. For men that desire is most easily awakened by the way a woman looks. So in the sense that lust is often aroused through a man’s eyes, yes, men are “visual.” Think about how much you want to be loved, cared for, and wanted and multiply that longing times 5 or 10 and you will be close to the intensity of a man’s sexual desire. According to a survey by the American Psychologist’s Association (APA) the average man has a sex-related thought approximately once every six minutes. The struggle for us as your brothers in Christ to keep our thoughts pure is a minute-by-minutes battle that starts in Junior High and lasts for the rest of our lives.

Most women in our culture either do not know about our struggle or do not care. There are not very many places we feel like we can let our guard down because of this. Even going to church is sometimes difficult because our sisters in Christ have dressed in a way that reveals their bodies, not necessarily skin, but tight-fitting tops and bottoms that do not leave much to the imagination.

This is spiritual betrayal, whether intentional or not. Jesus states in Matthew 5:28, “everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (NASB). This means that by dressing immodestly anywhere a man can see you, you are leading him into adultery. Here is what the Proverbs say about the women who lead men astray:

For the lips of an adulteress drip honey

And smoother than oil is her speech;

But in the end she is bitter as wormwood,

Sharp as a two-edged sword.

Her feet go down to death,

Her steps take hold of Sheol.

She does not ponder the path of life;

Her ways are unstable, she does not know it. Proverbs 5:3-6

Solomon is saying that this kind of woman says all the right things; but hanging out with her leads to death. This kind of woman doesn’t think about “the things above” (Col 3:2); but the most tragic part of this verse is the last line, “Her ways are unstable, and she does not know it” (Prov 5:6). When you do not actively seek and “ponder the way of life” you will lead brothers astray, and you won’t even know it (Prov 5:6).

The way that women dress deeply affects the cohesion and depth of a Christ-centered community. Women who seek the Lord are already radiant with an indescribable beauty that draws the hearts of Christian men. When those same women dress to draw attention to their bodies, it causes their brothers to stumble.

If a women dresses modestly and a man looks at a woman with lust, it is his sin not hers. Although there is technically no heavenly condemnation for wearing a bikini, or a pair of short-shorts, remember there are side-effects. Immodesty is corrosive; it damages everyone it comes in contact with. It encourages either vanity or low self esteem in women and it causes men to lust. The way you dress only becomes sinful the moment a brother struggles, where he otherwise would not have done so, as direct result of your apparel. Ladies, you are called to a much higher lifestyle,

Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor; not lagging behind in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; rejoicing in hope, persevering in tribulation, devoted to prayer, contributing to the needs of the saints. Romans 12:9-13

As I said, the way a woman dresses is not sinful in and of itself, but if that clothing is immodest and is causing brothers to fall into lust, it becomes the cruelest kind of sin. When a brother walks into church or a Bible study and sees one of his sisters immodestly dressed, it is like walking into what he thought would be a spiritual safe-house only to be shot, point-blank, by someone he thought was an ally. That is the spiritual treason I am talking about.

Be encouraged! Here is what Peter says about old ways behind:

In your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge, and in your knowledge, self-control, and in your self-control, perseverance, and in your perseverance, Godliness, and in your Godliness, brotherly kindness, and in your brotherly kindness, love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they render you neither useless nor unfruitful in the true knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For he who lacks these qualities is blind or short-sighted, having forgotten his purification from his former sins. Therefore, brethren, be all the more diligent to make certain about His calling and choosing you; for as long as you practice these things, you will never stumble [or cause others to do so]

2 Peter 1:5-10

Your faith and moral excellence have brought you to seek knowledge. Now you have knowledge. The next step takes courage and strength to live out: self control and perseverance. Self control and perseverance will lead to Godliness, brotherly kindness, and love. That kind of reward is worth hard days when it feels like no one notices or cares about you. Thoughts saying you have no value are lies that are designed to draw you back into the mindset of the flesh and not the mindset of the Kingdom of God. Remember, “If you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God” (Col 3:1-3).

If you didn’t get a chance to visit with your dad or pastor about this I would again recommend that you do so. To have an older man, who cares about your personal walk with Christ, support and hold you accountable is the best way to succeed in this. You mom or your pastor’s wife could be a great resource for practical ideas with your attire. I pray that God richly blesses you as you seek His face and seek to honor your brothers.

God Bless,

Zachary

Did you know that Zachary is the oldest of four children?!?!

Thoughts From an Old Romantic~ Zachary Tingle

An excellent wife, who can find?

For her worth is far above jewels.

The heart of her husband trusts in her,

And he will have no lack of gain.

She does him good and not evil

All the days of her life. – Prov 31:10-12

            “Papa, when will my Prince come and marry me?” Grace’s innocent eyes queried her daddy’s. Without waiting for the response she continued, “I think he will be big and handsome and he will take me to his castle, don’t you?” Her eyes still sparkled with the anticipation of being swept off her feet and carried off to live happily ever after.

            Laugh lines creased her daddy’s eyes as smiled at his six-year-old daughter’s questions. They had just finished watching Sleeping Beauty and Grace’s imagination soared with the possibilities of who her prince would be.

            “Sweetheart,” he began as he pulled Grace into his lap, “do you remember who your Mama and I told you was the King?”

            Grace nodded her face shifting to the deep gravity only attainable by a child, “Yes sir, God is the King.” Her face morphed to an expression of joy and pride. “But I am His princess.” She finished with a curt nod to reassure any doubt that might have been entertained.

            A light chuckle accompanied the smile that softened her daddy’s face. “That’s right Sweetie, you are God’s little princess. Do you know what being God’s princess means?”

            A small frown creased the skin between Grace’s eyes as she mentally wrestled with the enigma. Finally, after a few seconds of thought her face cleared, “It means I have to marry a prince.” She stated matter-of-factly. “And,” she continued, “you are my knight who has to protect me from bad guys until the prince gets here.”

            This time her daddy’s laugh was full and ringing. Grace didn’t know what was funny but decided she like hearing her daddy laughing and joined him with her small giggle and hugged his broad chest with her small arms. Still chuckling her daddy nodded, “You are exactly right Sweetheart, just don’t forget that.”

            Grace hugged her daddy even tighter, “You’re always gonna be my knight, even after my prince comes for me.”

            Years passed and Grace gradually became more cynical. She no longer believed that a prince would walk into her ever-so-average life and sweep her off her feet, though she still wished for it so badly it hurt sometimes. As she grew she blossomed into beautiful young woman of 16 when the first of many attempts to steal her heart began.

            His name was Chris and he was nothing like the chivalrous prince she had envisioned as a child, but he was cute and popular and he told her how pretty he thought she was on a daily basis. Grace had heard that he wasn’t a good guy, but he was the only one who paid her any attention and she reveled in his compliments (though a few made her blush and tell him not to be inappropriate). When Chris was around she found it difficult to focus on her tasks, always wondering what his astute mind thought of her at the moment. As time went on Grace began to subtly shift the way she dressed and did her hair. She did not necessarily change on purpose, but thoughts of what Chris would think cluttered her mind as she readied herself for school. Grace knew her daddy wouldn’t approve of Chris, but she loved hearing that she was beautiful and that Chris wanted her around. Gone were the days of regarding her daddy as her knight-protector. She lost track of the promise she made to him nearly ten years before in the euphoria of being pursued and wanted. She forgot that she was supposed to be waiting for a prince. She forgot who the King is.

            This story could end in a myriad of different colors. It could end in the soft ivories and warm rose hues of happiness and contentment. But, considering the kind of man Chris is, the story will most likely end in blazing reds of anger, the black of depression, and the grays of indifference to all things romantic. The yellows of cynicism and the greens of jealousy (for the happiness others girls seem to posses) will most likely follow.

            Much of the pain of this encounter could have been averted had Grace remembered a couple of things. The first and most important thing Grace forgot was how deeply the King loves her (John 3:16). In the midst of fleeting admiration from Chris, Grace forgot how much more she is admired the King. The second thing Grace forgot is that she was to be waiting for a prince who would be her husband. Proverbs 31:12 says that an excellent wife will do her husband good all of the days of her life. That is a pretty big statement, it doesn’t say that she will do him good from the day that she meets or marries him. It says all of the days of her life. That means she will be striving to bless her husband by her actions even before they meet.

            I can confidently speak for myself and my fellow princes in Christ. There is nothing more beautiful or attractive than a woman who is secure in how the Lord perceives her and has tried to bless her future husband with her day-to-day actions and decisions. Prov. 31:10 says that her worth is above jewels (which was the most valuable form currency in that day), Lemuel is saying that a woman who fits this bill is more valuable than the most valuable object available at the time. This is the list paraphrased:

-          She delights in working or creating with her hands

-          She knows where to find food when the budget is tight

-          She is up early to make sure everyone is fed and cared for

-          She is business savvy  and knows how to reuse money for gain

-          Her body is strong and fit

-          The supplies of her household never run low

-          She knows how to create (especially were items of the home are concerned)

-          When there are leftovers she is generous to those who are needy

-          She has provided her family with warm clothing for winter

-          She dresses well and provides good clothing for her husband (and he is respected)

-          She carries herself with strength and dignity

-          She is wise and teaches with gentleness

-          She is not idle

This list is pretty crazy, it is not one of those things to try and tackle in one day, or even in one year. This is the list of what a woman will become if she actively seeks to do her husband good all of the days of her life. One of the final lines is the keystone to all of this. “Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.” (v. 30). Grace fell into the trap of trying to appear charming and beautiful and did not fear the Lord. I speak from personal experience that a woman who fears that Lord is radiantly beautiful and almost irresistibly charming.

            As Valentine’s Day approaches and we hear and see the elements of romance around, refocus of the King. He has plans to make you prosper, plans that will not harm you (Jer 29:11). The King’s love is so much more complete and consistent than any love a man can give. We (men) are sinful and fallible, but the King is consistent and perfect in His affection for you. Whether the Lord has blessed you with a significant other or not, remember who Love is and to whom our first love is due.

Happy Valentines & God Bless,

Zach

P.S. Something to consider: God has given each of your dads to you as protectors and guardians, it will bless both you and him to give him a place in the season of dating or courtship. For those of you who don’t have a dad who follows the Lord, still invite him in (it might be a cool opportunity to share Christ) but also seek Godly male council (preferably a pastor or maybe a best friend’s dad – with her permission of course) on the men in whom you are interested. 

Did you know that Zachary has skied off of a roof?!

Christmas Perspective~ Zachary Tingle

Christmas is one of those times that is so layered with emotion that I am never quite sure how to approach it. On the one hand, I am blessed and thrilled to celebrate that the Son of God Almighty came into our broken and deprived world for the sole purpose of giving us—us—true life. That, if anything, merits the most sincere rejoicing and celebration. And on the other, is the sickening materialism that permeates our country (and more tragically, the Church). That to say, Christmas and I have a little bit of a love/hate relationship.

For the last year God has blessed me with the opportunity to work in the retail industry (I started a year ago last Oct.). While working there I’ve met several people who actually hate the Christmas holidays. This shocked me. I grew up in a home where we celebrated Christmas to the max (sometimes without giving/receiving gifts). That time was a time of joy and worship and thanksgiving for the boundless gift that was given nearly two thousand years ago. Working with people who honestly hated Christmas was like trying to make 1+1=3. It just didn’t add up.

Then I was asked to work Christmas Eve. (Insert dramatic crescendo)

Seriously though, I have never seen a more disgusting display of human nature (even from those who were apparently “Christians” –they were wearing Christian apparel and purchasing Christian books). People were literally fighting over items that would presumably be given as a gift. In one eight-hour shift I came to understand how people could hate even the celebration of Christ’s birth. We (as a culture) have so entangled this holiday in what we want and what will get for others that we are missing point: these weeks are not for giving or receiving!!! They are for worship, thanksgiving, and rejoicing that God gave us hope. He loved us so much that gave us hope by giving His only SON into our sinful diseased hands to be murdered (John 3:16). He did that so we would have opportunity be in fellowship with Him.

Over these days of celebration remember what we are celebrating. We have been given the opportunity to spend these days away from school and work to thank Him for what he did. That is not an opportunity that should be soiled by more greed, selfishness, envy, or jealousy. Remember that He was born to for the sole purpose of dying in our place; let that focus color the way you shop, celebrate, and relax this Christmas. Jesus Christ is the ultimate gift, and that gift is for you. Merry Christmas!

Did you know that Zachary is a avid rock climber?!

Did you know that Heather's favorite food is mac n cheese?!

Photograph property of Lilies Among Thorns Magazine. Photograph taken by Heather Young.