Monday, January 17, 2011

3's a Crowd?~ An Issues Article by Lea Sadler

Pay attention closely to this article, because I’m sure everyone experiences this problem sometime in their lives. My best friend and my other friend don’t like each other at all. In fact, one had to leave my birthday party last year because she was too infuriated to forget and have fun. There was no way I could find out the truth of what happened between them, and to be honest it was too difficult to even get a glimpse of what the issue was. All I knew was that they couldn’t tolerate even being in the same room together. Here’s how to handle different situations and maybe even to let up on the issue as time goes on.

Let’s just start with the basics. If you are struggling with this problem, or if you’re one of the friends who doesn’t like the other one, then try to pinpoint the exact moment when you started disliking or noticing that your two friends resented each other. Around what time was it? What was going on at that time in each of their lives? It turned out, one of my friend’s mom was really sick, and it didn’t look like she had much time left. On the other hand, my best friend usually just overreacts to everything. So a sideways glance from one person can set her off because she’ll think they’re giving her a look. Now that I’ve got you thinking about that, put yourself in each of their shoes and see the other person from their eyes. Are they a threat to each other for your friendship? Are they jealous?

 Before I knew it, they started attacking each other by telling me stories about what the other one did. If this happens, don’t automatically believe it or assume that it’s true. They might be offended that you don’t believe them because “when have I ever lied to you? Why don’t you trust me like you used to?” Explain to them that you don’t doubt their reliability, but you have two stories that need to be listened to and considered. Reassure them that you’re as much their friend as you were before all this started. Make it clear to them what kind of position you are in and ask them to think about how they would feel in your place. Once they see what kind of problem this is for you, they might ease up and try to make things easier. If not, maybe they’ll at least understand. And after that, make sure to ask your other friend about it later to hear their side. The least you can do is hear them out, if you can’t come up with a fair conclusion, then move on because that side issue wasn’t between you and them, it was strictly between them. Just because they brought you into it, doesn’t mean that you have to continue being a part of it. Make them work that little kink out together.

So what do you do when it’s a Friday night and you want to have some friends over to watch movies but you can’t invite both of them? You can’t choose one over the other, but you can’t not invite both of them either. That night will be brought up sometime and they’ll both be angry that you didn’t choose them (believe me, I did this and it was the wrong move). So if you can’t choose one, and you can’t leave them both out, there’s only one option left. Invite them both. Before people start doing anything, explain to them that it would mean a lot to you if they could get along for at least one night. If they are good friends, they will realize how hard this is for you and do their best to avoid a clash. You might even ask them to step outside and talk to each other calmly to see what the other one is feeling. This would also be a good idea if there is an argument.

I’m not promising you a happy ending where everyone is living in happy-land but these might be some ways to make things easier on everyone. But hey, if they do make your friends finally like each other, or even just accept each other, then that’s even better J

No comments:

Post a Comment