A Word From the Wise(The Wise being God)~ By Nadia

 Dear Nadia,

I have a crush on this really cute guy.  I'm 12 and I know this is natural for my age, but how do I handle it?  I mean, I'm no beginner to the whole boy thing.  I dont date, but I've been having crushes since age two and I got "engadged" about ten years ago.  Back to the current boy.  I only see him at church. We dont' go to the same school.  Sometimes I babysit his baby sister, but that's it.  What do I do?!  How do I handle this?!

 --A Little Confused


Dear A Little Confused,

"Cast your cares on God, for He cares for YOU" (1 Peter 5:7). I've
probably quoted this verse before, but that's because it's super
important! God cares about us with a depth that we can't even begin to
understand. I mean, if He cares about us and knows us so well that
He's even numbered the hairs on our head (Luke 12:7), I know He'll be
with you as you develop relationships with guys and seek His will on
those issues.

Bring everything to God. Sometimes I start to over-think issues or
just focus on them way too much, so what helps me is to just give my
heart and mind up to Him every time I even start thinking about the
issue, no matter how many times it takes (this is one of those 7 times
70 things).

Maybe one thing you can commit to right now is letting God write your
love story. Put the pen in His hands, because He is the best Author in
the universe! If you dedicate your heart to that right now and
continue to pray about it, He will help you and keep you on His path.
God bless you, girl!

Writing Notes to God~ Hogan Stevens

This has been a very stressful year for me. I’ll be a senior after this summer, so I’ve been researching all kinds of colleges and majors. I am sure a lot of you know just what this is like. Super stressful! And doesn’t it sometimes seem like no one really understands what you’re going through when they try to tell you not to stress?

 

Well, Someone understands. And He is the best person you could talk to when you’re feeling down or anxious.

 

And while I’ve found that praying can relax me and help me through the day, I also love communicating to God through another way. I write notes to Him. Most of the time, I’ll write Him a letter in my diary or my prayer journal, but just the other day I heard of another way to write notes.

 

Get a box--any kind you want--and cut a hole in the top. And then, when you are feeling low or just want to talk to Jesus, write out a simple note on a slip of paper and drop it into your prayer box. Keep it next to your bed or on your desk, and once your prayer has been dropped you can know that God has received it. The Lord knows what is best for you and He truly wants to make you happy; just remember that sometimes He has something different in mind than you--and that often times His plan turns out much greater than you could have ever imagined.

 

I know I’ll be dropping several notes into my box! Mostly I think I’ll be asking for patience as I search for the right university, and I definitely will need His guiding hand this coming year and beyond. I am looking forward to filling up my prayer box and--years from now, when I have finally found my way-- I will open it up and sift through the forgotten prayers and marvel at just how God answered them all. Not in my way, but in His perfect will.

The Flip Side~ Zachary Tingle

Dear Zachary,

   Ok I really like this guy from my church. I only see him at church gatherings but he is the first guy that I like. To make things awkward he is my best friend’s brother. I know that he likes me, but how should I tell him I like him???

Sincerely,

Need A Guy-Guide

Dear Need A Guy-Guide,

    Several things come to mind when you ask this and I think it will be helpful some of our other readers as well.

            The first thing that comes to mind is a story. One of my dear friends and a brother in the Lord had become good friends with a girl. They got to see each other several times per week and he had asked for prayer about pursuing her as a potential wife. We prayed with and for him for about two weeks when came to us and explained that the Lord had closed the door on this relationship fairly abruptly. We all congratulated him on answered prayer, but he shook his head. “No, I really still like this girl. She is beautiful, joyful, and her heart is totally sold out for the Lord.” The rest us guys were a little perplexed and asked what the problem was.  He shook his head sadly, “she approached me today and told me she liked me and that it would be nice to get to know each other better. I just can’t seek a woman as wife if she doesn’t trust me enough to allow me to initiate.” This is a true story and those two people haven’t talked since.

            The next thing that comes to mind is that attraction can be a dangerous companion (“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?”- Jeremiah 17:9). Following your heart is so dangerous! The desire for a human companion (a spouse) was designed by God but it was totally corrupted when Adam and Eve sinned. When our first parents sinned it severed the relationship between all of us and God. This one action left a hole that each of us wants to fill. That hole is not made to be filled by a human companion!!

            Being attracted to someone of the opposite sex is normal and unfortunately unavoidable. Attraction was designed to be the first step toward marriage, not the first step in the meaningless high school dating game. I assume by the fact that this is your first that you are not yet at a place to be considering marriage; therefore there is no good to be gained by allowing this romance to blossom.

            The Bible has a lot to say about marriage but not much to say about courtship (it pretty much assumes that parents will arrange the marriage and then it is the responsibility of the couple to glorify God with the covenant that was arranged). In Ephesians 5:1-21 there are some great guidelines for life before marriage. I won’t break down the whole chapter for you, but the gist of it is that we are to live lives that are so much like the example of Christ that impurity cannot even be named among us. I do not mean we are to flaunt our purity (brag that we are better than everyone else) but rather we are to represent the Lord. The vast majority (over 98%) of romantic relationships started in high school do not end marriage, but they end in heartbreak.

            Now to answer your question directly; you as a woman should never tell a man that you are romantically interested in him before he chooses to pursue you. God ordained for men to lead where romance is concerned. This is neither demeaning to women nor empowering to men it simply the way God set things up. If your friend’s brother has not said anything to you it is because he is not yet ready to lead you in a relationship before God (though I would encourage you to tell him no even if he did so). Allowing romance to grow before both of you are honestly ready to leave home and live in covenant with one another is EXTREMELY dangerous. It allows two young people to have emotional intimacy without responsibility which will eventually lead to sexual immorality (which we are told shouldn’t even have to be named).

            I pray that you seek the Lord to fulfill the desire for companionship and love. The moment that you can honestly say that you do not need a man in your life because you are full in Christ is the moment you are ready to be swept off your feet. “Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you.” (Matthew 6:33).

Blessings,

Zachary

10 Lies Hollywood Tells Us~ Nataleigh Robinson

If you live on this earth (which you probably do) then you have probably experienced your fair share of expectations.  Your parents expect you to clean your room, your friends expect you to be there when they need you, your pastor expects you to pay attention in youth group and God expects you to share the good news of His son. 

All these things are rather reasonable expectations but often we can feel like we’re getting mixed messages.  We get one message from our friends at church and a completely different message from our friends at school.  Our parents tell us one thing while our teachers tell us something different.  Our pastors present one way of gaining success while society presents an entirely different way to gain success. 

The Devil uses a variety of lies to confuse us into living our lives in a way that is less than holy.  But we can’t expect to realize these things as lies if no ones ever pointed them out to us.  Not to worry that’s what this article is here for.  Here are ten lies that Hollywood tells us

1. You have to be a size one to be considered attractive.  A hundred years ago people held a very different opinion of beauty.  It was considered much more attractive to have a little fluff.  But in 1959 something happened that forever changed the way beauty was viewed.  This life changing event took place in the form of a still very popular toy named Barbie.  Barbie was stick thin with the perfect hourglass shape and drop dead gorgeous.  Every girl wanted to look just like her.  And so the search for beauty began. We’ve all experienced insecurity at one time or another, it’s part of being a girl, its part of living in a sinful world.  Since sin entered the world women have struggled with wanting to be attractive.  There isn’t anything wrong with wanting to look good, after all God tells us to take care of our bodies since they are the temples of God (1 Cor 6:19-20).  I think this includes watching out weight but it doesn’t mean obsessing over it.  God made each of us with different builds and not all of us will be able to healthily fit into a size one.  What’s important is that we except the body God has given us.

2. Being a virgin is something to be ashamed of.  Turn on the TV for any extended amount of time and you will quickly realize that our society is obsessed with sex.  Adult shows and movies are full of sex scenes and explicit sexual jokes.  Kids movies are less obviously filled with sexual undertones and innuendos.  Even some commercials have an underlying sexual message.  Living in a world filled with never-ending sexual messages and friends who are constantly hooking-up, it can be difficult not to feel like you’re the only virgin left on the planet.  

I can assure you that you are most definitely not.  There are hundreds of students who are still virgins.  In 2009 34% of high school students admitted to being sexually active and even if there were another 10% who had had sex but hadn’t admitted it that still roughly 56% of high school students who are still virgins. That’s over half of your school.  Just remember that the next time you’re thinking of giving in just because your ashamed of your virginity.  You’re not alone and God values your purity more than anything else.

3. Marriage doesn't last forever.  God created marriage.  God realized how lonely Adam was and decided that he needed not just a friend but a partner, someone who was so close to Adam that it was like they were one person.  As if to illustrate just how close he wanted Adam to be to his wife, He decided to create her out of one of Adam’s ribs showing that she was an important part of him that could never be replaced by anyone else.  No friend could ever be closer to him than her.

Today divorce is as normal as changing your socks.  People get married, start fighting, decide it’s not working and give up rather than sacrifice a bit of themselves to rekindle their love for each other they would rather tear away from that part of themselves and move on to someone else.  100 years ago people would have never thought of divorcing someone so easily they worked at it until death parted them no matter how difficult it was.  Marriage doesn’t have to end in divorce, it is possible to have a life long commitment if you’re both willing to work at it.

4. It is weird when parents show affection for each other. Television loves to make fun of parents who have a happy and healthy relationship.  Whenever parents start to get a little cozy, the kids always have to walk in and tell them how gross they are, forgetting that they were just sitting in the backseat of a car doing the exact same thing and worse but without the wedding certificate.  For some reason seeing a married couple who’s over the age of 40 show any affection for each other is inappropriate and disgusting, but it shouldn’t be.

We should be willing to encourage our parents to show their love for each other because that’s how we know they still do.  Far too many marriages end in divorce because someone thought they were getting too old for affection and the other moved on.

5. It is ok to lie as long as no one finds out. If you think this isn’t a lie then you’re lying to yourself because according to the Bible it’s not ok to lie.  In fact lying is one of the “thou shalt not’s” in the 10 Commandments.  So many times in the shows we watch we see our favorite characters lying to teachers, parents and even friends in order to save their own necks.  The plot line often follows like this: an especially naughty character that’s known to be a troublemaker convinces the main character to lie because “I never get caught” and “it’s so easy”.  The main character gives in and the lie works and they realize wow that wasn’t so bad after all and so they continue to lie and lie and lie until finally they’re caught and then suddenly they’re sorry and now that they’re in trouble they realize it was a mistake.  But we’re often left wondering whether they really learned their lesson or if they’re just sorry that they didn’t get away with it

6. A high school pregnancy will not turn your life upside down.  In the last 10 years there has been a strange influx of movies and shows about teen pregnancy each with its own way of showing that pregnancy is kind of cool, even in high school.  With Juno in 2007, Secret Life of the American Teenager premiering in 2008 and Pregnancy Pact in 2010, teenagers are more aware than ever that teenage pregnancies can and do happen.  While each of these movies and shows are pro-life encouraging students to keep the child despite their age and their mistakes none of these shows reveal the realistic side of what happens when you have a child while still a child yourself.  Whether a girl decides to raise the child herself or give it up for adoption there is no denying that her life will be forever changed and she will never be able to go back to her old life or her old friends despite what Hollywood tries to tell you.

7. It is unacceptable to not 100% accept someone else's beliefs.  Society is constantly trying to confuse us into thinking that when we disagree with someone about something we are in essence telling them that we don’t love them.  So many people will even go so far as using scripture against us, they’ll remind us that we’re supposed to love everyone because God is love.  While this is true and as Christians we have more reason than anyone else to show unrelenting love to those who are different from us, but the problem comes in when we allow people to scare us into submission.  God tells us to preach the gospel boldly, he told us we would experience hardships and persecution because of our faith.  He didn’t tell us that our Christian walk would be simple but he promised he would be waiting for us at the end of the road and he promised that his son would be interceding for us and that his Holy Spirit would be walking beside us all the time.  Everything we do and say should be said out of love and selflessness but if we truly believe that we have the answer than we should not be afraid to share our opinions and we have just as much political right to share as they do, despite how they try to convince you otherwise.

8. Love is an emotion that can't be controlled.  As girls it can be hard not to get caught up in the romance of a good story.  Many of us are romantic saps all the way to the bone and even those who pretend not to be really do want someone to love them deep down inside.  No one knows better than Hollywood how desperate each girl is to find her Prince Charming who will be different from anyone she’s ever met and will be absolutely perfect.  From a young age girls are indoctrinated with stories of princes who ride in and save the princess from some terrible danger and ride away with her to live “happily ever after”.  By the time we’re in high school we have such twisted ideas of love that it’s no wonder that many of us end up with our hearts broken and our confidence shattered.  Hollywood tells us that we can’t choose who we fall in love with it just happens but if that were true then God’s command to love everyone would be very difficult to follow.  If we can choose to love our grouchy neighbor who complains whenever we step on his grass then we can certainly choose not to give our hearts away to someone that isn’t following God

9. If you’re single there must be something wrong with you.  In a society that relies so heavily on relationships it is no wonder that not having someone to call your boyfriend can make us feel like there might be something wrong with us.  When we see our friends with their special someone it can be difficult not to feel alone.  But there is so much more to life then dating relationships and there is so much more to relationships then the butterflies.  God made us for relationships but that isn’t limited to dating relationships.  God wants us to build our relationship with Him, our family and our friends before we even begin to think of having a dating relationship

10. Sex will not affect you emotionally.  Hebrews 13:4 tells us “to keep the marriage bed pure” this means to not give away that which was meant to be saved only for our husbands.  Society tries to convince us that sex will not really affect us, that we can just do it and not really think of it after that.  The truth is that sex outside of marriage can be very emotionally painful.  Don’t fall for the lie that if you give in he’ll stay with you.  The truth of the matter is that guys like to have something to pursue once you give them what they want they’ll have nothing left to fight for and since you’re married they’ll have nothing keeping them with you and so they’ll leave.  Don’t fall for the same lies that so many girls before you have fallen for.  Keep the mystery, good Christian men would much rather prefer the mystery anyway.

Did you know that Nataleigh wants to open her own home for teenagers?!?!

Thoughts From an Old Romantic~ Zachary Tingle

An excellent wife, who can find?

For her worth is far above jewels.

The heart of her husband trusts in her,

And he will have no lack of gain.

She does him good and not evil

All the days of her life. – Prov 31:10-12

            “Papa, when will my Prince come and marry me?” Grace’s innocent eyes queried her daddy’s. Without waiting for the response she continued, “I think he will be big and handsome and he will take me to his castle, don’t you?” Her eyes still sparkled with the anticipation of being swept off her feet and carried off to live happily ever after.

            Laugh lines creased her daddy’s eyes as smiled at his six-year-old daughter’s questions. They had just finished watching Sleeping Beauty and Grace’s imagination soared with the possibilities of who her prince would be.

            “Sweetheart,” he began as he pulled Grace into his lap, “do you remember who your Mama and I told you was the King?”

            Grace nodded her face shifting to the deep gravity only attainable by a child, “Yes sir, God is the King.” Her face morphed to an expression of joy and pride. “But I am His princess.” She finished with a curt nod to reassure any doubt that might have been entertained.

            A light chuckle accompanied the smile that softened her daddy’s face. “That’s right Sweetie, you are God’s little princess. Do you know what being God’s princess means?”

            A small frown creased the skin between Grace’s eyes as she mentally wrestled with the enigma. Finally, after a few seconds of thought her face cleared, “It means I have to marry a prince.” She stated matter-of-factly. “And,” she continued, “you are my knight who has to protect me from bad guys until the prince gets here.”

            This time her daddy’s laugh was full and ringing. Grace didn’t know what was funny but decided she like hearing her daddy laughing and joined him with her small giggle and hugged his broad chest with her small arms. Still chuckling her daddy nodded, “You are exactly right Sweetheart, just don’t forget that.”

            Grace hugged her daddy even tighter, “You’re always gonna be my knight, even after my prince comes for me.”

            Years passed and Grace gradually became more cynical. She no longer believed that a prince would walk into her ever-so-average life and sweep her off her feet, though she still wished for it so badly it hurt sometimes. As she grew she blossomed into beautiful young woman of 16 when the first of many attempts to steal her heart began.

            His name was Chris and he was nothing like the chivalrous prince she had envisioned as a child, but he was cute and popular and he told her how pretty he thought she was on a daily basis. Grace had heard that he wasn’t a good guy, but he was the only one who paid her any attention and she reveled in his compliments (though a few made her blush and tell him not to be inappropriate). When Chris was around she found it difficult to focus on her tasks, always wondering what his astute mind thought of her at the moment. As time went on Grace began to subtly shift the way she dressed and did her hair. She did not necessarily change on purpose, but thoughts of what Chris would think cluttered her mind as she readied herself for school. Grace knew her daddy wouldn’t approve of Chris, but she loved hearing that she was beautiful and that Chris wanted her around. Gone were the days of regarding her daddy as her knight-protector. She lost track of the promise she made to him nearly ten years before in the euphoria of being pursued and wanted. She forgot that she was supposed to be waiting for a prince. She forgot who the King is.

            This story could end in a myriad of different colors. It could end in the soft ivories and warm rose hues of happiness and contentment. But, considering the kind of man Chris is, the story will most likely end in blazing reds of anger, the black of depression, and the grays of indifference to all things romantic. The yellows of cynicism and the greens of jealousy (for the happiness others girls seem to posses) will most likely follow.

            Much of the pain of this encounter could have been averted had Grace remembered a couple of things. The first and most important thing Grace forgot was how deeply the King loves her (John 3:16). In the midst of fleeting admiration from Chris, Grace forgot how much more she is admired the King. The second thing Grace forgot is that she was to be waiting for a prince who would be her husband. Proverbs 31:12 says that an excellent wife will do her husband good all of the days of her life. That is a pretty big statement, it doesn’t say that she will do him good from the day that she meets or marries him. It says all of the days of her life. That means she will be striving to bless her husband by her actions even before they meet.

            I can confidently speak for myself and my fellow princes in Christ. There is nothing more beautiful or attractive than a woman who is secure in how the Lord perceives her and has tried to bless her future husband with her day-to-day actions and decisions. Prov. 31:10 says that her worth is above jewels (which was the most valuable form currency in that day), Lemuel is saying that a woman who fits this bill is more valuable than the most valuable object available at the time. This is the list paraphrased:

-          She delights in working or creating with her hands

-          She knows where to find food when the budget is tight

-          She is up early to make sure everyone is fed and cared for

-          She is business savvy  and knows how to reuse money for gain

-          Her body is strong and fit

-          The supplies of her household never run low

-          She knows how to create (especially were items of the home are concerned)

-          When there are leftovers she is generous to those who are needy

-          She has provided her family with warm clothing for winter

-          She dresses well and provides good clothing for her husband (and he is respected)

-          She carries herself with strength and dignity

-          She is wise and teaches with gentleness

-          She is not idle

This list is pretty crazy, it is not one of those things to try and tackle in one day, or even in one year. This is the list of what a woman will become if she actively seeks to do her husband good all of the days of her life. One of the final lines is the keystone to all of this. “Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.” (v. 30). Grace fell into the trap of trying to appear charming and beautiful and did not fear the Lord. I speak from personal experience that a woman who fears that Lord is radiantly beautiful and almost irresistibly charming.

            As Valentine’s Day approaches and we hear and see the elements of romance around, refocus of the King. He has plans to make you prosper, plans that will not harm you (Jer 29:11). The King’s love is so much more complete and consistent than any love a man can give. We (men) are sinful and fallible, but the King is consistent and perfect in His affection for you. Whether the Lord has blessed you with a significant other or not, remember who Love is and to whom our first love is due.

Happy Valentines & God Bless,

Zach

P.S. Something to consider: God has given each of your dads to you as protectors and guardians, it will bless both you and him to give him a place in the season of dating or courtship. For those of you who don’t have a dad who follows the Lord, still invite him in (it might be a cool opportunity to share Christ) but also seek Godly male council (preferably a pastor or maybe a best friend’s dad – with her permission of course) on the men in whom you are interested. 

Did you know that Zachary has skied off of a roof?!

With All My Heart: Waiting for the Man God Has for Me~ Hogan Stevens

Just the other day, I was talking with my father, telling him that if the time ever comes when a boy shows interest in me that I would like to be courted. I've had this dream for quite some time now, and whenever I voice it, many people give me skeptical looks or make a scoffing remark. Not everyone understands my desire to have and to give my heart to just one man in my life. I've even had some tell me, "Well, good luck with that" as if I am delusional in thinking that there are any decent young men left in this world that would share my beliefs.

When I told this to my dad, his simple response was enough to give me more hope in believing my future husband is out there, waiting just for me.

"There are lots of guys out there that feel the same as you, Hogan. Don't worry."

He said this with such confidence that I knew it must be true. Just looking at my kind, loving father I know that there are still men out there that are capable of giving that special, one of a kind love that I wish for my future. They are out there, girls; we just have to be patient and trust that God will bring them to us in His time.

Of course, there are many boys out there who see dating as an opportunity to get with as many girls as they can, to see just who they can sway with their charms and claim as their own. I know that may sound a little harsh, but it's true, and I am sorry for that.

Just as equally, there are girls out there who want to be with as many guys as possible just because it is "cool" or expected by their peers. They are willing to give their heart to any boy that gives them the time of day, and they are sometimes willing to even do whatever he wants just to please him for fear that he will leave if she refuses.

And then when that boy loses interest, her heart breaks...and she tries to find another that could be her Prince Charming, that could be "the One".

Nowadays, society deems such dating acceptable. Boy meets girl. Boy flirts with girl, asks her on a date. Before you know it, they're an item doing everything together, acting as though they are head over heels in love--when they are actually just acting upon infatuation, not love. And relationships based purely on simply a crush or lust is a relationship that will not last.

But there is another way.

Instead of going out with whomever you please and setting yourself up for disappointment when you realize you do not know a person as well as you thought, you can choose to go about the whole dating thing cautiously.

For me, I make it clear to others that I have standards. I am not just some girl that can be taken by whoever takes a fancy to me. No, I stay low under the radar, not going anywhere near dating. To me, the term for dating has been corrupted. To nearly everyone now, dating is simply a game, a way to pass the time. A way to lose your heart.

You see, by going from guy to guy, having your heart broken and in turn breaking hearts, a girl gives a piece of her own heart away to every guy she goes out with. And years from now, when she is married and with children she may come to a rough spot in her life and look back on those years she spent dating all of those boys...and she might long for another man that is not her husband.

I don't think any girl wants that, right? You must guard your heart most diligently, protect and keep it for that one man that God has chosen for you. Love is something sacred and precious and not to be given lightly.

That is why, with all of my heart, I would love to be courted.

Perhaps you have not heard of courting, so I will try to explain it as best I can--though I might not have all the details a hundred percent accurate. In my mind, courting goes something like this: A girl and boy become friends, nothing more. They get to know each other as any friend would and they develop a bond accordingly. And then over time, they might both acknowledge that they have feelings for one another and that they might be ready for a serious relationship. It is then that the boy might ask if he could start courting the girl to see if they would be compatible for a romantic relationship. By courting her, he would take her out to public places (most likely accompanied by friends or family members) and they would try to see if they would make a good couple. Everything would be taken slowly; they might not even choose to kiss--or even hold hands--until they were engaged or even married. They would pray about it, of course, asking God if it was His will they were together. Courting is not something that is taken lightly. The boy and girl would be thinking of this relationship in terms of the future, to see if they would do well as a married couple.

Obviously, this is greatly varied from how dating is perceived by most teens and even adults. Of course, I am not saying that everyone who chooses to date is going about it in the wrong way, but I believe that courting is so much safer. Safer for you. For him. For your hearts. Because when you take your relationships as seriously as that, it is much more difficult for you to lose your heart to someone that you barely know and who could not be the one for you.

Never let others tell you that your beliefs are a waste or that you should stop trying so hard to go by God's standards. Because He already has your story planned out..you just have to be willing to give all of your trust to Him, to give Him your whole heart for protection until you find that man that He has for you. And when you find him, if he truly loves you he will listen to your beliefs and not try to force you into something you are not comfortable with.

Someday, I hope to marry the man that loves me unconditionally and that loves God even more. I want to be able to tell him that I waited for God to bring him to me and that I saved myself and my heart--my whole heart--just for him. It's possible, believe me. Even if you have already dated others and maybe even given parts of yourself away, it is never too late to ask your Heavenly Father to guide you in the right direction when it comes to finding the right one for you. God cares--He truly does--and He will never lead you wrong.

All it takes is faith, trust...and a little patience.

Did you know that Hogan wishes she had a '73 Corvette StringRay?!

Did you know that Jess's favorite season is summer?!

Photograph property of Lilies Among Thorns Magazine. Photograph taken by Jess Mc